Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
