Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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