so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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