i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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