I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
