ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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