She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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