She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
