If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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