Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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