Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
