It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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