Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And then my night got REAL pukey
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
