I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
