last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
