Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
