the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
