so that wasnt chicken after all
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hippo gnu deer
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
