hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
