Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
