I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
