So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
