god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm at about main and main street
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
