dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
