I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
