I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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