hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
