Are we in a gay sports bar?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
