Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
