Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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