Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
