And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
