Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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