you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
