it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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