I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
