Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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