We got so high we made milksteak
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
