I'm going to rape someone's good day.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
