By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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