Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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