FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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