First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
