Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
