i just had sex bonerless
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
even my farts smell like vagina
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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