My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
