I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
