the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
