so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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