my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
