well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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