Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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