Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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